Farms of the Rich and Famous
Is there something cynical about celebrity farming?
When I was first asked if I’d seen Clarkson’s Farm, I thought it was a Peter Serafinowicz miniseries I’d somehow overlooked, but no—Top Gear’s leading shirt-and-sheux belligerent had actually bought his own farm. With hilarious consequences, I’m told.
Watching the David Beckham documentary last year, David introduced us, the viewer, into his peaceful pocket of agriculture, where he raises chickens for eggs, keeps bees for their honey (or “DB’s Sticky Stuff”) and has begun growing organic vegetables with his daughter Harper. He says it’s calming, and I’m sure it is, being that it’s a retirement allotment on the grounds of his £12m estate in the Cotswolds.
Vinnie Jones, everyone’s favourite 90s hardman nutcase, has discovered Swedish hunting apparel brand Härkila and bought a “rundown” 400 year old farmhouse in West Sussex. I have a modicum more time for Vinnie’s farming exploits, simply because he seems to have a genuine passion for protecting the countryside—fervour for hunting aside. Still, his interest in farming comes from a place of escape, just as Clarkson and Beckham’s does.
Martin Clunes has a farm. JB from 00s pop group JLS has a farm. Calvin Harris has a farm.
What all of them have in common, apart from their fame, is their assertions that farming is the perfect way to unwind and relax, and to disappear from the responsibilities and hectic schedules of their normal life. I can’t say that any farmer I have ever known has agreed. It’s a gruelling job that takes up every single day of your life—as my old landlords would say, “Cow’s don’t celebrate Christmas!”
It’s not all bottle feeding lambs and driving shiny Massey Fergusons—there are supermarket prices to contend with, and taxes, and having all your generational wealth tied up in land that’s worth millions to developers but relatively fuck all as a muddy field full of sheep. If you’re at all interested in the current financial difficulties farmers face, this piece in The Guardian, and its comment section, lays out a lot of detail (it is an opinion piece though, so pinch of salt etc.)
Farming is hard, essential work that ensures food is grown and supplied to the population, and many farmers are finding it harder and harder to keep up with demand while also dealing with ever-more erratic weather that regularly destroys crops. It’s a job that most are in for life, training for their future in tandem with their school days—although this is getting rarer. The average age of a farmer in the UK is 59, because young people are less and less likely to choose a career in farming when they could do literally anything else.
There is a common stereotype of the rich farmer sitting on thousands of acres of land, and the reality TV shows that have become part and parcel of the celebrity-to-bumpkin pipeline reinforce it. To the average person buying food in a supermarket and seeing the prices rise and rise, there is no connection between the RRP and the cost of getting their produce out of the soil and into the shops. Farmers are not thought of outside of rural communities—in your 24 hour Tesco Express and Sainsbury’s Local, food is infinite. Without that connection, the people who produce, pick and process the food we eat aren’t seen, and their problems certainly aren’t understood. For the only reference point to then be David Beckham picking broad beans (or whatever) and smiling in the sun, it’s difficult to express how anti-idyllic farming life truly is. Even Jeremy Clarkson seems to hate his new job at times.
So why are famous people so keen on becoming agriculturalists? Well, farms, by design, have land. They also happen to make up the lion’s share of the UK’s countryside, and in recent years there has been a need to ensure farmers and landowners are keeping their portion of the country eco-friendly, even beautiful, if you’re a part of an Area Of Outstanding Natural Beauty or a National Park. It’s expensive and time consuming for already under-pressure farmers to take care of these additional tasks, so there are a number of incentives in place to make sure they get done.
The Sustainable Farming Incentive or SFI is a form of income support for farmers “for actions that support your business, food production and the environment.“ Countryside Stewardship or CS payments are financial incentives to get farmers to protect the environment. The Farming Investment Fund or FIF is a system of grants available to farmers, who can apply for funding for new farming equipment and technology, water management and slurry infrastructure, and more. The Adding Value grant is now closed for round one applications but will offer up to £300,000 to farmers who can prove they require the money to “improve productivity or the environment.” Much like the government’s SEISS payments during Covid-19, this grant process is now running for a second round of payments for eligible farms. The England Woodland Creation Grant (EWCG) offers up to £12,700 per hectare for newly planted woodlands on land larger than 1 hectare. If you’re a farmer in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty or a National Park, funding is available on application based on fulfilment of requirements such as: “providing opportunities for people to discover nature” and “protecting or improving the quality and character of the landscape.” The Cotswolds is an AONB, for example. I could go on. In Ibiza, where Calvin Harris has a sheep farm, a financial incentive is paid to citizens to encourage them to raise grazing animals and maintain the landscape of the island.
The existence of these grants and income support structures is a good thing. Farmers who need them are hopefully gaining what they need—although I’d like to see some evidence that all farmers are aware these options are available to them, and that there is support given for those who are not well-versed in writing bids. If you know more about this, please do let me know. I would like to think they’re doing some good, to both incentivise better practices in farming, and to support the people who need it most. What I am sure of is that each and every rich person who’s moved to their dream manor in the countryside is well aware of the tax breaks and funding opportunities available to them—or at least their accountants are—if only they buy a few rare breed heifers, or plant a couple of hectares of organic carrots outside the front door. Get some bees and say you’re contributing the the ecological repair of your local area. Plant some hedges. If you’re going to do that, you may as well get yourself a pair of Dubarrys and a flat cap and call yourself a farmer. Seems like the cheapest way to gain your own estate in the most sought-after land in the country to me.
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